Cognitive dissonance is that ill feeling in my gut when I compare where I am in life now with where I expected I would be. I had plans and expectations and this is not them.

We all have plans for our life. Some of these plans are set by our parents expectations, some are helped along by watching how well off and happy people are on TV shows and some are even put in our heads when we see other people like our friends on Facebook or Instagram post vacation photos or happy group selfies. All these seem to be expectations that we compare ourselves to and say, hey I am not having as much fun as I thought I would and others seems to be doing better.

When we compare ourselves to others who we feel may be better off, enjoying life more than we are or when we compare ourselves to who we had planned to be when we were just starting off - we may feel like we did not accomplish what we had planned to do. Boy that is an awful sentence, I will have to come back and fix this later.

Ok, so why do I feel unsettled? Why do I feel like I should be more successful in my life than I am. And here is the bigger question: why do I fight against what is presented to me in my life? You know the expression, "life is what happens while you are planning for something else"? Well, that is how I feel. I did not plan to be here. I planned it differently.

I know I will have to explain this more specifically, but for now lets leave it at the fact that on a daily basis I have this ill feeling in my gut that zaps my energy because I am unhappy with where I am in my life at this moment. I had wanted it to be different and it doesn't seem to be going that way. This loss of control over my life and my outcomes is what makes me unhappy right now.

But, where is life taking me? And why do I think I know better?

What if for a moment I would surrender and accept that possibly where I am is exactly where I need to be?

Well for one thing, I would not feel the stress of constantly wanting something that I don't have. For a short while, like say for just for now, I would feel like I am not really lacking anything. For an instant in time, I would actually be content. So, at this moment right now, am I lacking anything? No, I am ok for now. Actually, I am pretty good at this moment.

Aug 2019